[apparently Gimli was the equivalent of 14 during The Hobbit timeline
ONE DAY IMMA HAVE MY OWN ADVENTURES
THEN YOU’LL BE SORRY
True facts though, everybody’s talking about Thranduil shitting bricks when Legolas brings Gimli home for the holidays, but WHAT ABOUT GLOIN? I can’t even imagine how much he’s like SO YOU DECIDED TO SHACK UP WITH THE ELF KID WHOSE SUPER RACIST DAD THREW US IN PRISON. THAT’S GREAT. THAT’S JUST GREAT. And then every time they visit Gloin talks about that time they had to escape from LEGOLAS’S DAD’S PLACE. In BARRELS.
Not that he’s bitter.
Ugh, Gus, why do you have to do me like this. NOW ALL I WANT TO DO is write a Legolas and Gimli get The-Middle-Earth-Version-Of-Vegas married fic, where the night of Aragorn’s coronation gets a little crazy and it just seems like a good idea at the time. And then they wake up the next morning and are kind of like, well, it still doesn’t seem like it was a terrrrrrible decision….but I guess we should probably stop by and inform our families on our way to Adventure In The West….
And then Legolas has to be like, uh, about how my dad is my dad, and Gimli has to be like, uh, about how the dwarvish word my dad uses instead of your dad’s name translates to “Asshole,” if the translator is being REALLY KIND, and then they have to go to the two most awkward “So about how we got drunkenly hitched but we mean it off to the West we go now bye,” dinners of all time. Why would you do this to me, Gus. Why.
#THRANDUIL IS THAT PARENT WHO JUST REFUSES TO HEAR SHIT HE DOESN’T WANT TO #so legolas is all THIS IS GIMLI WE ARE MARRIED #and thranduil is all#in the hypothetical situation you are presenting to me where you are theoretically bringing home a dwarf and informing me you’ve married him #i would hypothetically speaking wring your neck #and legolas is like I’M NOT FOURTEEN ANYMORE DAD #YOU CAN’T SCARE ME WITH HYPOTHETICAL THREATS #gimli’s in the corner eatin’ lembas bread like it’s popcorn watching the asshole from his dad’s stories fight with his favorite asshole #MEANWHILE AT THE DWARF MINES #nobody pretends legolas isn’t there but they all kind of give him a wide birth and whisper things around him#and keep leaving barrels outside his room which is weird #and gloin is like GIMLI HOW ABOUT WE COMPROMISE AND YOU MARRY LITERALLY ANY OTHER LIVING CREATURE #I HEAR THERE ARE SOME VERY RESPECTABLE HOBBITS IN YOUR FRIEND GROUP #HOW ABOUT A NICE HOBBIT GIMLI #but gimli does not want a nice hobbit #he wants the elf son of the worst elf out of all the elves #because of course he does. #gloin never did get the hang of thursdays.